A New Person is Born (9 Month Anniversary- With Myself!)

I have to say, I never thought I'd be this person- the girl that everyone looks up to. Of course I always HOPED to be this person, but never thought I could be! I am a totally self-reliant and confident woman and it feels like I've won the lottery! (Yes- I even fix stuff in my house when it breaks.. with my pink tool box! What else would you use?!) I wish I could express to you how many times a week I hear the words, "You are so strong! I look up to you so much!" And how did I become this woman? Being alone.

That's right. COMPLETELY ALONE for nine months. Now, it was hard for the first.. 5 months for sure. Even through month 7 I had rough moments of feeling lonely- but then I had an ah-ha moment. Let me explain...

I, much like many single people struggling to heal after years of "self abuse", (let's face it- when we get into a relationship, we neglect ourselves) fell into a half-ass comfort zone with an ex. (TERRIBLE IDEA PEOPLE!!!!! EX MEANS EX FOR A REASON!) And he used me for sex and money and abused my emotions and while I was still single- I started to rely on him for my comfort. But one day, I realized that I didn't NEED him anymore. I was a NEW person and was still clinging on to my "blankie". However, the second that I released him- I changed for the better. (Now keep in mind, your comfort person could be anyone to you- a close friend, a parent, an older sibling, etc. It just happened to be that my ex was that person- identify your comfort person.)

I've compiled a list of all the GREAT things I've learned while being single and I hope that if you're going through a tough break up, you can learn these too.
1) Learn your likes and dislikes- it's crazy how even grocery shopping will teach you what you like.
2) Pick up a couple hobbies- these can be anything but allow you to express yourself. (For me it's pole dancing and hot yoga!)
3) Decide what you're looking for in a future mate- frankly, I still need time to tighten my non-negotiable's up.
4) Find out what YOU did wrong in your last relationship(s)- that's right, every last detail.
5) Identify how YOU plan on changing things for the better in your next relationship- don't keep making the same mistake, figure it out now.
6) Commit to being confident and loving yourself now and forever- this is a tough one, it's constant work. But forever worth it.
7) Learn to love being single- have you ever spent the whole day watching Netflix in bed in your underwear? That's a single person's life!

I can honestly say that I am a completely new person as compared to where I was 9 months ago (or even 3 months ago!) The longer you're single, the more comfortable and confident you will become. Am I currently seeking a relationship? No. Am I dating? Absolutely. When the time is right for me to be in a relationship- it will be effortless and fall into place. Until then, there's no rush. After all, I'm just a 20-something trying to find her place in this world.

Kisses,

Brookilynne