A New Person is Born (9 Month Anniversary- With Myself!)

I have to say, I never thought I'd be this person- the girl that everyone looks up to. Of course I always HOPED to be this person, but never thought I could be! I am a totally self-reliant and confident woman and it feels like I've won the lottery! (Yes- I even fix stuff in my house when it breaks.. with my pink tool box! What else would you use?!) I wish I could express to you how many times a week I hear the words, "You are so strong! I look up to you so much!" And how did I become this woman? Being alone.

That's right. COMPLETELY ALONE for nine months. Now, it was hard for the first.. 5 months for sure. Even through month 7 I had rough moments of feeling lonely- but then I had an ah-ha moment. Let me explain...

I, much like many single people struggling to heal after years of "self abuse", (let's face it- when we get into a relationship, we neglect ourselves) fell into a half-ass comfort zone with an ex. (TERRIBLE IDEA PEOPLE!!!!! EX MEANS EX FOR A REASON!) And he used me for sex and money and abused my emotions and while I was still single- I started to rely on him for my comfort. But one day, I realized that I didn't NEED him anymore. I was a NEW person and was still clinging on to my "blankie". However, the second that I released him- I changed for the better. (Now keep in mind, your comfort person could be anyone to you- a close friend, a parent, an older sibling, etc. It just happened to be that my ex was that person- identify your comfort person.)

I've compiled a list of all the GREAT things I've learned while being single and I hope that if you're going through a tough break up, you can learn these too.
1) Learn your likes and dislikes- it's crazy how even grocery shopping will teach you what you like.
2) Pick up a couple hobbies- these can be anything but allow you to express yourself. (For me it's pole dancing and hot yoga!)
3) Decide what you're looking for in a future mate- frankly, I still need time to tighten my non-negotiable's up.
4) Find out what YOU did wrong in your last relationship(s)- that's right, every last detail.
5) Identify how YOU plan on changing things for the better in your next relationship- don't keep making the same mistake, figure it out now.
6) Commit to being confident and loving yourself now and forever- this is a tough one, it's constant work. But forever worth it.
7) Learn to love being single- have you ever spent the whole day watching Netflix in bed in your underwear? That's a single person's life!

I can honestly say that I am a completely new person as compared to where I was 9 months ago (or even 3 months ago!) The longer you're single, the more comfortable and confident you will become. Am I currently seeking a relationship? No. Am I dating? Absolutely. When the time is right for me to be in a relationship- it will be effortless and fall into place. Until then, there's no rush. After all, I'm just a 20-something trying to find her place in this world.

Kisses,

Brookilynne

Learning to Love (Yourself) Again..

I'm not entirely sure what's changed in me recently, but can I just say: I've become quite a bad-ass recently! Just in the way I can handle myself and stick up for myself.

If you knew me, you'd know that I have probably THE biggest heart EVER. I'd like to think that I can love everyone for their flaws and always see the good in people. As a result of that, I've been taken advantage of- often. I'm what most people would call, "a push-over", I will do ANYTHING to make someone happy. And as a result of that, I've compromised my personal happiness multiple times.

Now I'm not entirely sure why I've recently been able to suddenly grow a backbone, but let me say, I love it! I'm not saying I've become an asshole, I'm not saying I don't still DEEPLY care for other people, but I am saying I've started to care for myself more.

I've recently noticed this change, mostly in my dating life. Before, I would do something I didn't want to- just to make someone else happy. NOW, if I don't want to do something- I don't! Simple as that. If I don't like something, I don't like it. I've started to learn how to classify my likes and dislikes.

Being single isn't easy. In fact it's hard, extremely difficult. But as the old saying goes, "Nothing worth having is easy." And let me just say, in regards to being single, I completely agree! Being single isn't easy, but being miserable in a relationship is a hell of a lot harder.

At this point in my life, being single is all about learning once again, about me. When you're in relationships off and on for multiple years, you find yourself getting lost. And that's probably what some of the pain in a break-up is: realizing that you lost yourself.

If you're single right now, don't give up. It gets better, in fact, it gets a HELL of a lot better. And soon you'll be sitting in the same seat I'm in- being a bad-ass and knowing how to date people and still be yourself.

Talk to you soon!
Xoxo,
Brookilynne