I'm not entirely sure what's changed in me recently, but can I just say: I've become quite a bad-ass recently! Just in the way I can handle myself and stick up for myself.
If you knew me, you'd know that I have probably THE biggest heart EVER. I'd like to think that I can love everyone for their flaws and always see the good in people. As a result of that, I've been taken advantage of- often. I'm what most people would call, "a push-over", I will do ANYTHING to make someone happy. And as a result of that, I've compromised my personal happiness multiple times.
Now I'm not entirely sure why I've recently been able to suddenly grow a backbone, but let me say, I love it! I'm not saying I've become an asshole, I'm not saying I don't still DEEPLY care for other people, but I am saying I've started to care for myself more.
I've recently noticed this change, mostly in my dating life. Before, I would do something I didn't want to- just to make someone else happy. NOW, if I don't want to do something- I don't! Simple as that. If I don't like something, I don't like it. I've started to learn how to classify my likes and dislikes.
Being single isn't easy. In fact it's hard, extremely difficult. But as the old saying goes, "Nothing worth having is easy." And let me just say, in regards to being single, I completely agree! Being single isn't easy, but being miserable in a relationship is a hell of a lot harder.
At this point in my life, being single is all about learning once again, about me. When you're in relationships off and on for multiple years, you find yourself getting lost. And that's probably what some of the pain in a break-up is: realizing that you lost yourself.
If you're single right now, don't give up. It gets better, in fact, it gets a HELL of a lot better. And soon you'll be sitting in the same seat I'm in- being a bad-ass and knowing how to date people and still be yourself.
Talk to you soon!
Xoxo,
Brookilynne
Basically a 20 something trying to find her way in life with tons of trail and error!
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
My Six Month Anniversary!!! (With Myself)
I know it sounds quite pathetic, but this is the first time, since starting to date boys (probably around the age of 14 or so?!) that I've been single for this long. And let me just say, it's the BEST thing that has ever happened to me! Once you get through the hurt, the pain, the confusion, you really can focus on yourself. And let me say, it took a long time to get here.. Probably about 5 and a half months. To be deeply, truly, intensely happy with being single and alone. Let's take a re-cap of the past 6 months and what being single was like and what I began to learn.
Month 1
Month one was probably one of the easier months for me, believe it or not. I think I was kind of in the "honeymoon" phase of being single if you will. I looked around everywhere and realized that I was alone, and for some odd reason, I was totally okay with it!
Month 2
Month two was a very challenging month for me. I started to struggle with the whole concept of "why does everyone else get to be happy, and I can't be?" It was very painful. Looking back at my ex's and how much wrong they had done to me. How much hurt and damage that they had caused me. I became jealous of everyone's seemingly perfect and flawless lives. Here's a quote that I found that spoke volumes to me: "The grass is always greener on the other side, but I'm too busy watering mine to see what yours looks like." I knew that I needed to stop focusing on others lives, and start focusing on my own life.
Month 3
By the time month three came around, I was starting to feel pretty happy. I still had sad and lonely moments, but I was starting to come around to the idea that maybe, just maybe, I should stay single for a while longer. This month, I decided to try to really start dating again, and jump back into the dating pool. Funny thing is, I realized that I was just looking for my ex's in my potential partners. I wasn't really SEEING the men I was dating for who they WERE, I was seeing them for who I WANTED them to be- big mistake. This month I learned the lesson that I don't have to date a specific "type" of man, I can date whoever I damn well please!
Month 4
This was the month that revolutionary changed my life for the better. This was the month that I decided in order to continue to grow into the person I knew I could become, I needed to be completely and utterly alone. I decided to move completely away from everyone, into my own place. I completely isolated myself- not for any other reason that I NEEDED it. I CRAVED the alone time I was finally presented with. I CRAVED the idea that I could make my own decisions based solely on MY desires. This month allowed me to start to sort through my thoughts. I stopped talking to just about everyone and learned how to be alone.
Month 5
This was the "AH-HA!" month for me. I'll never forget the first time I truly felt completely content with being happy. I was driving in my car and all of the song "Ridin' Solo" by Jason Darulo came on. I BLASTED that song driving down the highway and sang to my heart's content. I finally felt free. I felt liberated. This month began the month where I focused on making myself happy. And let me say, it felt AMAZING. I finally felt as though I had the power back again. I had the power to make the decisions about how I spent my time. I started to find so much extra time in my daily life. Time to start focusing on myself. I picked up a hobby that I truly enjoy and it has contributed to my health and overall well-being. (More on that another time!)
Month 6
Well here we are. Six months to completely change my life. I can't believe how much I have sculpted myself and grown in such a short amount of time. Six months and I have finally learned how to be happy being alone. And frankly, I want to continue it! (Which is really odd thinking, because 6 months ago, I couldn't even imagine sleeping alone.) This month starts my journey into self reflection and discovery. I want to know everything about myself. I want to love myself unconditionally and wholly.
I've been debating whether or not I want to stay single for the next six months. Can I commit to one whole year being single? You know, right now I'm not too sure. I do know that I can commit to not getting into a relationship with someone just because I'm lonely. Not getting into a relationship because it's more convenient. Not because I want someone to sleep with at night. IF and WHEN I get into another relationship, I plan on loving myself first. I plan on being with that person because they COMPLIMENT my life, not because they COMPLETE it. I want to be a complete person, and the person that I choose to date needs to be complete as well.
Happy six month anniversary to me! I can't wait to see where life takes us- but I know that we're going somewhere great!
Month 1
Month one was probably one of the easier months for me, believe it or not. I think I was kind of in the "honeymoon" phase of being single if you will. I looked around everywhere and realized that I was alone, and for some odd reason, I was totally okay with it!
Month 2
Month two was a very challenging month for me. I started to struggle with the whole concept of "why does everyone else get to be happy, and I can't be?" It was very painful. Looking back at my ex's and how much wrong they had done to me. How much hurt and damage that they had caused me. I became jealous of everyone's seemingly perfect and flawless lives. Here's a quote that I found that spoke volumes to me: "The grass is always greener on the other side, but I'm too busy watering mine to see what yours looks like." I knew that I needed to stop focusing on others lives, and start focusing on my own life.
Month 3
By the time month three came around, I was starting to feel pretty happy. I still had sad and lonely moments, but I was starting to come around to the idea that maybe, just maybe, I should stay single for a while longer. This month, I decided to try to really start dating again, and jump back into the dating pool. Funny thing is, I realized that I was just looking for my ex's in my potential partners. I wasn't really SEEING the men I was dating for who they WERE, I was seeing them for who I WANTED them to be- big mistake. This month I learned the lesson that I don't have to date a specific "type" of man, I can date whoever I damn well please!
Month 4
This was the month that revolutionary changed my life for the better. This was the month that I decided in order to continue to grow into the person I knew I could become, I needed to be completely and utterly alone. I decided to move completely away from everyone, into my own place. I completely isolated myself- not for any other reason that I NEEDED it. I CRAVED the alone time I was finally presented with. I CRAVED the idea that I could make my own decisions based solely on MY desires. This month allowed me to start to sort through my thoughts. I stopped talking to just about everyone and learned how to be alone.
Month 5
This was the "AH-HA!" month for me. I'll never forget the first time I truly felt completely content with being happy. I was driving in my car and all of the song "Ridin' Solo" by Jason Darulo came on. I BLASTED that song driving down the highway and sang to my heart's content. I finally felt free. I felt liberated. This month began the month where I focused on making myself happy. And let me say, it felt AMAZING. I finally felt as though I had the power back again. I had the power to make the decisions about how I spent my time. I started to find so much extra time in my daily life. Time to start focusing on myself. I picked up a hobby that I truly enjoy and it has contributed to my health and overall well-being. (More on that another time!)
Month 6
Well here we are. Six months to completely change my life. I can't believe how much I have sculpted myself and grown in such a short amount of time. Six months and I have finally learned how to be happy being alone. And frankly, I want to continue it! (Which is really odd thinking, because 6 months ago, I couldn't even imagine sleeping alone.) This month starts my journey into self reflection and discovery. I want to know everything about myself. I want to love myself unconditionally and wholly.
I've been debating whether or not I want to stay single for the next six months. Can I commit to one whole year being single? You know, right now I'm not too sure. I do know that I can commit to not getting into a relationship with someone just because I'm lonely. Not getting into a relationship because it's more convenient. Not because I want someone to sleep with at night. IF and WHEN I get into another relationship, I plan on loving myself first. I plan on being with that person because they COMPLIMENT my life, not because they COMPLETE it. I want to be a complete person, and the person that I choose to date needs to be complete as well.
Happy six month anniversary to me! I can't wait to see where life takes us- but I know that we're going somewhere great!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)