A New Person is Born (9 Month Anniversary- With Myself!)

I have to say, I never thought I'd be this person- the girl that everyone looks up to. Of course I always HOPED to be this person, but never thought I could be! I am a totally self-reliant and confident woman and it feels like I've won the lottery! (Yes- I even fix stuff in my house when it breaks.. with my pink tool box! What else would you use?!) I wish I could express to you how many times a week I hear the words, "You are so strong! I look up to you so much!" And how did I become this woman? Being alone.

That's right. COMPLETELY ALONE for nine months. Now, it was hard for the first.. 5 months for sure. Even through month 7 I had rough moments of feeling lonely- but then I had an ah-ha moment. Let me explain...

I, much like many single people struggling to heal after years of "self abuse", (let's face it- when we get into a relationship, we neglect ourselves) fell into a half-ass comfort zone with an ex. (TERRIBLE IDEA PEOPLE!!!!! EX MEANS EX FOR A REASON!) And he used me for sex and money and abused my emotions and while I was still single- I started to rely on him for my comfort. But one day, I realized that I didn't NEED him anymore. I was a NEW person and was still clinging on to my "blankie". However, the second that I released him- I changed for the better. (Now keep in mind, your comfort person could be anyone to you- a close friend, a parent, an older sibling, etc. It just happened to be that my ex was that person- identify your comfort person.)

I've compiled a list of all the GREAT things I've learned while being single and I hope that if you're going through a tough break up, you can learn these too.
1) Learn your likes and dislikes- it's crazy how even grocery shopping will teach you what you like.
2) Pick up a couple hobbies- these can be anything but allow you to express yourself. (For me it's pole dancing and hot yoga!)
3) Decide what you're looking for in a future mate- frankly, I still need time to tighten my non-negotiable's up.
4) Find out what YOU did wrong in your last relationship(s)- that's right, every last detail.
5) Identify how YOU plan on changing things for the better in your next relationship- don't keep making the same mistake, figure it out now.
6) Commit to being confident and loving yourself now and forever- this is a tough one, it's constant work. But forever worth it.
7) Learn to love being single- have you ever spent the whole day watching Netflix in bed in your underwear? That's a single person's life!

I can honestly say that I am a completely new person as compared to where I was 9 months ago (or even 3 months ago!) The longer you're single, the more comfortable and confident you will become. Am I currently seeking a relationship? No. Am I dating? Absolutely. When the time is right for me to be in a relationship- it will be effortless and fall into place. Until then, there's no rush. After all, I'm just a 20-something trying to find her place in this world.

Kisses,

Brookilynne

Learning to Love (Yourself) Again..

I'm not entirely sure what's changed in me recently, but can I just say: I've become quite a bad-ass recently! Just in the way I can handle myself and stick up for myself.

If you knew me, you'd know that I have probably THE biggest heart EVER. I'd like to think that I can love everyone for their flaws and always see the good in people. As a result of that, I've been taken advantage of- often. I'm what most people would call, "a push-over", I will do ANYTHING to make someone happy. And as a result of that, I've compromised my personal happiness multiple times.

Now I'm not entirely sure why I've recently been able to suddenly grow a backbone, but let me say, I love it! I'm not saying I've become an asshole, I'm not saying I don't still DEEPLY care for other people, but I am saying I've started to care for myself more.

I've recently noticed this change, mostly in my dating life. Before, I would do something I didn't want to- just to make someone else happy. NOW, if I don't want to do something- I don't! Simple as that. If I don't like something, I don't like it. I've started to learn how to classify my likes and dislikes.

Being single isn't easy. In fact it's hard, extremely difficult. But as the old saying goes, "Nothing worth having is easy." And let me just say, in regards to being single, I completely agree! Being single isn't easy, but being miserable in a relationship is a hell of a lot harder.

At this point in my life, being single is all about learning once again, about me. When you're in relationships off and on for multiple years, you find yourself getting lost. And that's probably what some of the pain in a break-up is: realizing that you lost yourself.

If you're single right now, don't give up. It gets better, in fact, it gets a HELL of a lot better. And soon you'll be sitting in the same seat I'm in- being a bad-ass and knowing how to date people and still be yourself.

Talk to you soon!
Xoxo,
Brookilynne 

My Six Month Anniversary!!! (With Myself)

I know it sounds quite pathetic, but this is the first time, since starting to date boys (probably around the age of 14 or so?!) that I've been single for this long. And let me just say, it's the BEST thing that has ever happened to me! Once you get through the hurt, the pain, the confusion, you really can focus on yourself. And let me say, it took a long time to get here.. Probably about 5 and a half months. To be deeply, truly, intensely happy with being single and alone. Let's take a re-cap of the past 6 months and what being single was like and what I began to learn.

Month 1
Month one was probably one of the easier months for me, believe it or not. I think I was kind of in the "honeymoon" phase of being single if you will. I looked around everywhere and realized that I was alone, and for some odd reason, I was totally okay with it!

Month 2
Month two was a very challenging month for me. I started to struggle with the whole concept of "why does everyone else get to be happy, and I can't be?" It was very painful. Looking back at my ex's and how much wrong they had done to me. How much hurt and damage that they had caused me. I became jealous of everyone's seemingly perfect and flawless lives. Here's a quote that I found that spoke volumes to me: "The grass is always greener on the other side, but I'm too busy watering mine to see what yours looks like." I knew that I needed to stop focusing on others lives, and start focusing on my own life.

Month 3
By the time month three came around, I was starting to feel pretty happy. I still had sad and lonely moments, but I was starting to come around to the idea that maybe, just maybe, I should stay single for a while longer. This month, I decided to try to really start dating again, and jump back into the dating pool. Funny thing is, I realized that I was just looking for my ex's in my potential partners. I wasn't really SEEING the men I was dating for who they WERE, I was seeing them for who I WANTED them to be- big mistake. This month I learned the lesson that I don't have to date a specific "type" of man, I can date whoever I damn well please!

Month 4
This was the month that revolutionary changed my life for the better. This was the month that I decided in order to continue to grow into the person I knew I could become, I needed to be completely and utterly alone. I decided to move completely away from everyone, into my own place. I completely isolated myself- not for any other reason that I NEEDED it. I CRAVED the alone time I was finally presented with. I CRAVED the idea that I could make my own decisions based solely on MY desires. This month allowed me to start to sort through my thoughts. I stopped talking to just about everyone and learned how to be alone.

Month 5
This was the "AH-HA!" month for me. I'll never forget the first time I truly felt completely content with being happy. I was driving in my car and all of the song "Ridin' Solo" by Jason Darulo came on. I BLASTED that song driving down the highway and sang to my heart's content. I finally felt free. I felt liberated. This month began the month where I focused on making myself happy. And let me say, it felt AMAZING. I finally felt as though I had the power back again. I had the power to make the decisions about how I spent my time. I started to find so much extra time in my daily life. Time to start focusing on myself. I picked up a hobby that I truly enjoy and it has contributed to my health and overall well-being. (More on that another time!)

Month 6
Well here we are. Six months to completely change my life. I can't believe how much I have sculpted myself and grown in such a short amount of time. Six months and I have finally learned how to be happy being alone. And frankly, I want to continue it! (Which is really odd thinking, because 6 months ago, I couldn't even imagine sleeping alone.) This month starts my journey into self reflection and discovery. I want to know everything about myself. I want to love myself unconditionally and wholly.

I've been debating whether or not I want to stay single for the next six months. Can I commit to one whole year being single? You know, right now I'm not too sure. I do know that I can commit to not getting into a relationship with someone just because I'm lonely. Not getting into a relationship because it's more convenient. Not because I want someone to sleep with at night. IF and WHEN I get into another relationship, I plan on loving myself first. I plan on being with that person because they COMPLIMENT my life, not because they COMPLETE it. I want to be a complete person, and the person that I choose to date needs to be complete as well.

Happy six month anniversary to me! I can't wait to see where life takes us- but I know that we're going somewhere great!

Wen's Sweet Almond Milk Cleansing Conditioner

Well, as luck would have it, my roommate stole my shampoo. (You can read my whole series on my terrible roommate experiences here.) So, my mom came to my rescue with her un-used Wen hair care system. (Let us never forget how awesome mom's are. Even though they can drive us crazy sometimes!) HINT: If you do decide to buy this product- make sure you learn HOW to use it from YouTube. And use the amount they say to.. It'll save you a lot of heart ache. Don't worry- that's what I'm here for. To mess up and help you learn from my mistakes. On to the review!

Day 1 Review:
It's not like normal shampoo and conditioner. Basically it's one product that you use at first as a shampoo and let it sit in your hair for 3-5 minutes. Then you rinse it out and you can choose to use it as a second time for conditioner. (I only used it for the first 5 minutes. Ain't nobody got time to condition after!) The scent is nice, it doesn't lather well, and it did make my hair feel soft and take all tangles out without the help of a comb. (Winning!) I did notice however, upon letting my hair dry slightly, it provoked more of my natural curl. My hair is slightly more frizzy than I'd like it to be even after using the leave-in spray. But we'll see how it continues to work! Could be my life saving grace of a hair care system! Let's hope my roommate doesn't steal this one...

Day 2 Review:
Well, let's call it the second time I've used it- review. It's been about a week since I've used this product. I wash my hair 2-3 times a week. And I had a hair appointment this past week so I only just washed it. BUT that's beyond the point. I still think this product makes my hair way curlier and it doesn't feel as clean on the second and third day. But I'll keep trying it until I run out!

Day 3 Review: 
All I can say is.. ew. My hair feels gross and not moisturized at all. I'm not so sure I can grove with this. It's making my hair feel really weighed down and greasy.. But like I said, I'll keep trying until I run out.

Day 4 Review:
Can I just say.. Sometimes Brooke is not smart. I FINALLY got frustrated and looked up how to use the Wen Conditioning System on YouTube. And let me just say- Miracles happened! This stuff is amazing!! Now I can see what all the hype is about! My hair feels moisturized, full, healthy, and looks it too! The only regret I have now is not learning how to use it sooner. And the fact that I only have one more wash left until I run out :( But that's okay.. It's been about 2 and 1/2 weeks that I've been using the product at this point.

1 Month Review: 
Okay, I'm officially hooked on using cleansing conditioners instead of the normal shampoo and conditioners that I was using before! My hair is amazingly soft and clean! I can go 5-6 days in between washing and my hair looks as good on the 5th day as it does on the 1st! The only thing I'm concerned about is the price (I am a college student after all!) So I decided to try to find a replacement. So far, Pantene Pro-V seems to do an adequate job as being a drug store swap.

I'll keep you updated!

Xoxo,
Brookilynne 

No Spend Month Days 1 and 2 (Or as I said often, "SHIT!")

Day 1: 
Well, I realized I'm addicted to consumerism. BUT it was taught to me by the ULTIMATE consumer- my dad. My dad will buy things just to buy things. When I grew up, Saturday and Sunday were shopping days. EVERY WEEK. And I'm not talking a couple of things from the grocery store- I'm talking hours upon hours at JCPenny, Sears, Bed Bath and Beyond, Best Buy, etc. And wanna know what we were buying? New stuff to replace the old stuff that we had just bought about a year ago! And that's how it's been. Every weekend, of every year, and on any of our days off.

Well, yesterday was no different! I do have to admit- I bought one thing. But it was for the blog and to do a review and I really did need it. But let me tell you- it was freaking hard. Here's how my day went as compared to normal:

Wake up and roll over- think about money and all the things I "need" to buy. Realize I can't because of a No-Spend Challenge aka "SHIT! Ughhh..." 

Check phone and mom has called, asking me to join them for breakfast. Politely decline and say I'm trying to not eat out this month to save money and lose weight- offend mom slightly. (SHIT! Number two.) 

Get ready for day, realize I need something from the store and off to grab it! Let's note that I literally grabbed the ONE item and proceeded to checkout. I looked at nothing else. I was proud!

Head to my parents house to use their internet (remember that post about my roommate?! Still bitter.) and sister convinces me to take her to Barnes and Noble.  Let us also note that I didn't buy anything! I did however, look at a few books. 

After dinner- dad asks me to go buy the family ice cream. He paid. Who says no to free ice cream?! 

Spend two and a half hours online "Shopping" for cruises. Old habits die hard, right?! 

Total "extra" spent on day 1: $25 (you'll find out later what it was)

Day 2:
Today I completed the challenge correctly! I bought nothing extra! (I did rent my college books for this next term.. but that's a necessity at this point.) In fact, I spent the afternoon babysitting so I made money instead of spent it! Yay me!

Total spent day two: $0 YAY!!

New Year Resolution #1- Stop living for stuff

Recently I realized that I probably was creating an addiction to shopping. I'm not talking jokingly, I'm completely serious. I would spend HOURS a day shopping! That's how I spent every moment I possibly could! It gave me happiness- or so I thought. But recently, I've begun weeding out my stuff and being very aware about where I spend my money and what I bring into my space. And I realized- I have so much more time!

Before I would just shop to fill up time and space- because I felt empty inside. I felt as though I needed STUFF to make me happy. But it was the exact STUFF that was making me miserable and giving me way too much anxiety!

While I can't do much about my roommate's stuff, (unfortunately) I can downsize mine. So far I've gotten rid of two whole garbage bags of clothes, (I still have a full closet to go through at my parents too...) and a whole box of makeup. And yes- to answer your question- it feels amazingly free.

For the first time in months, I went out shopping with my best friend (she's a shopping addict too- takes one to know one, right?!) and I bought.. NOTHING. And believe it or not, I actually felt BETTER than I would've if I had bought something.

Starting January 1, 2015, I am going on a "No-Spending Spree" for 30 days. No, this idea isn't new or mine, it's been floating around on Pinterest for quite a while. But it'll be a crazy hard challenge for me- a shopping addict. Here are the rules I'm planning on adhering to:
1) No eating out (this includes fast food and sit down restaurants)
2) No buying extras (NOTHING extra, I have everything I need)
3) Sticking to ONLY necessities
4) No online window shopping (THIS IS GOING TO KILL ME)

This will be incredibly hard for me- but I need to do it for multiple reasons.
1) To keep steering  toward minimalism (or at the very least- needing less)
2) To save money (I'm sure I'll save AT LEAST $150 this coming month- but I'll let you know.)
3) To develop dedication and self control
4) To have extra time to focus on what truly matters
5) Getting one step closer to having my own place

Wish me luck, I'll need it.

Xoxo,
Brookilynne 

Out With the Old- For Good!

Well, it's that time of year again. Shocking isn't it? Seems to be flying faster and faster every year! And because of that, I've been researching minimalism. What's minimalism you might ask? Basically a simpler way of living-with more time to focus on what truly matters. Sounds great doesn't it? That's exactly what I'm thinking! I've compiled a list of some things I want to accomplish this coming year:

1) Pay off my credit card debt
2) Graduate from college. I'm so close!
3) Move into my OWN place WITHOUT a roommate!
4) Finally start focusing on my health. (And hydrate well- I turn 21 this year... Oh boy!)
5) Take a yoga class
6) Complete the 52 week money saving challenge
7) Volunteer
8) Get back into learning languages- I really love learning languages
9) Read more books

I'm starting to realize that having more in life isn't about having more stuff, it's about having more of the good stuff. (I.e. strong relationships, healthy bodies, strong minds, helping others...) So that's what I want to do this coming year- have more of the good stuff. 

So I started tonight, Christmas Eve, realizing that it's not about the stuff it's about the good stuff. And I'm truly enjoying every minute of it.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a goodnight.
Brookilynne